[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
[ << Previous 20 ]
[ << Previous 20 ]
|Tuesday, May 19th, 2009|
|This was alot of fun!
Your result for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test...
Blue (450 nm)
You scored 52% self-confidence and 57% bandwidth!
Wow! You have quite a big repertoire when it comes to kinky sex. And you're probably also willing to play on either side of the fence. You should look for another Blue, or an Ultraviolet if you want to broaden your horizon. Greens may be okay as well but will probably bore you after a while. Reds are too vanilla for you.
But I promised you a more detailed analysis, so here it is. Note that most scales are twofold: There are separate values for giving (active) and receiving (passive). If you scored high on one of them, you should look for a partner who scored high on the other. If you scored high on both of them, go for someone who is similar (or for multiple partners if you're into that). If you scored low on both, this probably is not your kind of kink.
You scored 80% giving and 38% receiving on oral.
You scored 78% giving and 90% receiving on anal.
You scored 23% giving and 86% receiving on bondage.
You scored 59% giving and 67% receiving on humiliation.
You scored 44% giving and 90% receiving on pain.
You scored 42% dominance and 58% submission.
You scored 21% voyeurism and 21% exhibitionism.
Besides that, you're 69% into fetishism and 16% polysexual (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You'll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.
Finally, you scored 61% on autoerotic - a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It's not exactly a matching criterion, but it's good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!
Take The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test at HelloQuizzy
|Monday, April 6th, 2009|
I keep putting this aside and now why the hell not :)
I'm back hurray least here anyway; its weird what to say, or re-kindle so I shall be sweet and blunt :
I have a new Job now and the stress is huge, but a good huge, I do insurance investigations for people coming to Australia on Student Visa from overseas.... whew.. its intense, but I'm really enjoying it, my boss is awesome, my colleagues have their moments, I have my own office, yeah go the swivel chair of WIN! My boss loves when I skim into his office, say hi then slip on out least on slow days.
The work is strenuous and in your face, so far my highest achievement was saving a multi-million dollar contract with a hospital after we had it threatened after we declined on a massive bill accumulated by a student. The contract save is still being talked about in my bosses line of colleagues so I'm very proud of myself there.
Its been bad, cant lie, I've had my heart thrown around, tossed away and slowly fed to the hungry pack of emo dogs. But I'm holding myself strong, what joy would there be if there was no sadness, oh well, I am keeping my hopes up for the right person to come around, there are prospects at least, and there are people I can say I love without needing to butt rape them... Foxy :D
Another roller coaster ride of what the hell, my real friends have seem to have come out of the woodwork, scary to see that they were some I never noticed till today, a few that I thought were have shown their colours and I cant deny it has hurt to realize (Maybe they aren't as close as I thought) but then friends do come and go, the ones that I can see will be there for me are still there, and I talk to them each day at times to see that bond is still strong, much love to yas:
Things are getting grim, at least in knowing whats medically wrong with my veins and arteries, doctors are now claiming its hereditary, tried all sorts of medical wonders, surgery already and course the lovely 6-pack of pills, but at the moment they are plucking straws. It wont kill me that I am glad to know, its just going to be a set back for when I get older in life, less we do find a cure, here's to more hoping.
Well I shall leave it here, its good to get a catch up entry in, since its been 28 weeks sweet sodium jesus balls! But I have been reading everyones woes and goes, and hope that things get better for the downers and stay good for the go-aheaders. Current Mood: complacent
|Monday, September 17th, 2007|
Thought I should get back to this so the people I dont usually see can least know I'm doing okay and that things are happening.
Guess for starters would be work, its becoming quite the insanity at my workplace, I'm a security officer for a large department store for the up and pricey society, Guess, Chanel, Morissey, you name it and its over 400 dollars we'll probably have it somewhere. Lately though in the last two weeks we've had 4 arrests, and not the usual 'You've been caught on camera' but the 'We got a runner!' and it usually ends up with me -striding- through the streets and malls to get the product back.
Sure working in some cheapy shop you wouldn't care if they took a 5 dollar pair of thongs or t-shirt, but when you have someone charging down the street with a Alex Perry 1200 dollar top you are kinda knowing its on your ass if you say they got away.
I've had three so far I wish I could have just said 'Fuck it' one got hit by a Yaris (Small economy car) before another guard that was off duty on the other side of the street waited for him to run by and kneed him right in the gut. Another I was almost pissing myself when she was on her mobile screaming for her brother and friends to come when I had no back up and the cops were nowhere in sight. The other was a bit easier when he realized I could keep up with him, unlike my colleage who waddled *chuckles*
Still re-organizing myself with the house and other priorities, which is giving me added stress, wanting to look to change a few things so I've spoken closely to a friend at work who used to be a personal trainer and he's taken me on board to give me some private lessons to help bulk up. Its a double win since he wants someone to help motivate him back to being a buffed guy and I need someone to motivate me to add some muscle bulk. We're sorting our times now since thats the biggest problem we're facing but it sounds promising and will make me feel more productive before and after work.
Another is sorting out wanting to be socializing more but when you dont have a permanent schedule you cant really work around it, especially with how lacking in staff we are if I was to be more casual in not going to work the place would be really working on a fine edge.
Also its having to get used to not doing my usual routine of home, room, sleep and work in that cycle heh, unhealthy and way too comfortable to be healthy. Hopefully as I get more energy with working out, and with the new staff soon to arrive I could work on getting less hours and be more out doing things with friends.
So anyway was just a quick update, will go into details with the crooks I have to tend to since I've mentioned it to a few people and an interest was formed.
Talk to you all later :) Current Mood: okay
|Tuesday, January 30th, 2007|
|Things goings ons.
In the effort to try and keep this updated, keeping with the peeps I thought I should discuss more on things happening here, or least with whats been going on these last few days or so.
Lets start with the good things:
- I have a few new pieces of clothes (although expensive) I really enjoy, wish I could wear them every day but they consist of white pants so its a no brainer I would have to spill something on them, or have some marks on them instantly after buying them.
- I have a job now, signed the papers to say I'm off probation, so now they cant fire me for stupid boring lame shit like I thought they would through the process, so its a firm job, and I least find it tollerable for now.
- Looking on with a little new lease on life, wanting to travel more, meet more people and furs, so I'm pumping myself for that, least so I can feel more alive from the reclusiveness I once and still sorta am, its growing out of me slowly.
Least those are the things that are stuck to my head that make me smile and keep me through the day. Though there are always the things that lately have arisen and caused problems as well, as if there wouldn't be.
- I'm starting to become an insomniac again, unfortunately the stress of work, and friends has put me into my worrying state and left me staying up at 5 am when I start at 9 am, I'm not a WoW fan so I dont have the 3 hour sleep to work shift stamina in me, I like my 10 hour sleeps.
- I had a huge fight with someone I cared for so much, and not that this fight had any real meaning, it was just an outburst of the tiny things that added up and caught me at a bad time. To just lash out like that wasn't me, and I'm still to this day wondering what the hell happened there, confusion makes me very upset and frustrated.
- I'm still too obsessed over my past, over people in my past, from exes to people I have neglected deliberatly to ignore so they can get away from my life I look back and try to mentally bandade things over, but all I do is feel regret and saddened that this and that happened.
- I'm wondering with the people that know me, and do care about me, how much trust is in that too? A while back I was given verbal daggers and unsteady remarks meant to make me doubt and hate myself, because of an act I had no knowledge of, which is the most scariest thing to feel. Like those people that walk into a room of a victim, and then the cops show up, worse thing was, my statement that 'I didn't do this' wasn't good enough, it wasn't trusted. Never have I felt someone return with that feeling, that I couldn't be trusted, I place myself in the same risk as others to show that trust, and having to fork showing evidence like an 'allibie' as a support means.. it frightened me. So now I am wondering what really does happen behind my back, not others, I see it, everyone does, they see what happens when the person leaves the room, the bickering and backstabbing, I never come to grips as to what happens behind my back, and why do I even give a damn about it???
At the end, it all comes back to my friends, I love em, cant live without them, and even down knowing I have those people there if I wanted just a hug, or a hello, they'll reply.
Thats whats been happening so far, just exhausted after some ick things happened today so enjoying my afternoon being constructive. Current Mood: sad
|Sunday, January 14th, 2007|
|Last Ditch Effort.
I haven't posted in a very long time, knowing that friends that I have trouble seeing with my new job have either slowly slipped away or just cant get ahold of them. I haven't spoken whats been going through my head, only the confusion riddled within it and its only come out as blabbered words, but right now, speaking is all I feel will comfort me. ( Art of emmotions..Collapse )
|Friday, December 1st, 2006|
|Update update update.... update
My last live journal post was quite the peculiar one at that, so I've decided I should possibly go into working on telling everyone whats been happening to those that I have been less in communicating to for reasons unknown.
For starters I have a job, and a weird one at that, one that no-one in their right mind could have possibly have guessed I could be. Who could have thought an otter could be quite the undercover security officer.. yes... I am undercover.. meaning I dont have my uniform yet so they have me on 'scout skints' as they call it, customers dont notice me because I look like an average businessman with a small walkie talkie in my hand or under my shirt. I survey around the levels, passing casual lookers of clothing and pop out like a hated Ronald McDonald from around a corner 'HI! Fuck off.. thankyou'.
My location of operations is a place called David Jones, many know it here in Australia but to Americans its basically one fucking expensive all you need rich department store. Such as.. 5,000 dollar leather jacket, what a deal! 1500 Dollar goldball size make-up powder, I'll take two! 850 dollar shoes, mmhmmm deliciously pricey! And many other wholesome mortgage making items to send your indulgence to a heroin high and your wallet non-existant with monies.
As people can guess, with all that money in the store 'Range of around 100 million dollars' on three stories we are quite the always busy, been there for two weeks and already I've chased one criminal, caught quite a few in the act and had to slide down escelators three stories up wheeee.
The pay is okay, the oppurtunities are awesome, looking like a career in the making, least work around to get into management in security quickly, then the store, then CEO, otter outfits on special at David Jones.
Besides that things have been a little topsy-turvy, meeting new people, learning new personalities to adjust to, cause I've been quite selective with my friends around the area, and I've met a few from quite the vast ranges of areas in both location and personalities rather then my country one monotone sorta personality.
I'll be busy with work for a while, it is only through the christmas break right now anyway, so more hours will be coming closer to christmas and slowly dwindling after Jan.
So I do apologise to people I haven't spoken to in some time, its different starting a job when you aren't used to the hours, the tension and concentration day in day out, not to mention boring routines and consistencies of boredom to make you wish you were back being a bum.
What wouldn't a LJ post be without a little drama, so I'll make it blunt. I've been feeling lately that I am neglecting one part of me with the other, to this I am referring to my social life of friends and people close to me, to my job. I know both are important, and because I'm not used to a job, its caused me to jump a little from one to another, its a balance I will need to get experience with. As I feel one part of me is building strong, another is dying, crumbling if you will, I dont know how else to explain it, some have probably seen me not entirely myself because of this 'crumbling' feeling inside.
That and I am getting quite tired of indirect gossip or knowledge, not the whole 'You know that guy is having a baby' crap, but stuff that shocks and stuns you, stuff that you -have- to go 'ok...' in front of someone because you are either so stunned, or pissed off to dare rage in their face. Only recently has that been coming back to haunt me, and its something I am also having to deal with as working a routine boring as licking rocks, it stays in my mind all day.
I should perv more on the monitors :D
Well that'll do, to my friends you're all awesome, to people I have a bond with you're apart of my existance for living, to my enemies die in a car fire. Night all :). Current Mood: blah
|Friday, November 24th, 2006|
In the world today,
Life can seem to take away,
The joys and desires we wish to attain,
But instead gives us terror to sustain.
If one was to look at what they have deep down,
To know they have friends who are always bound,
To expell those fears, to hunt down your being,
Make sure their love for you isn't fleeting.
You try from your bad, try from your good,
To expose those truths, like a loving friend should,
It cannot be lied of, it cannot be fake,
Love is there and true, as heaven's gate.
Pain is so easily capable,
Of making anyone unstable,
Your thoughts are drowned by fears unknown,
Even if they are difficult to be shown.
My pain now, is of not this world itself,
But of my actions, destroying myself,
I look at life, with its painful teasing,
Making me blind and unseeing,
Of a simple miss, a miss-glance,
An incorrect position, a camoflauged stance.
I wish to blame myself, attacking my soul,
Make me wish joy, was always a whole,
That you can not experience one, without the other,
Two people who try, till at the end, wonder is there a bother.
I've fucked up my life, hurting someone I love,
In actions I make stupidly, and near misses above,
Why did I do this, why did I do that?
Passing daggers through myself, bring my soul down flat,
On an ocassion today, that could have been magical,
That I screwed it up, made it tragical.
I wish to run, I wish to hide,
Believing what I felt, was that my self-hate lied,
My emmotions now, will be bundled to a ball,
So pain to others, will never trip and fall,
I have hurt too many, and helped too few,
My emmotions bring aching pain, to my loves and true.
I will find a day, that I will make someone I love lack of worry,
But till then, all I can say is, Drake, I'm sorry.
|Saturday, October 21st, 2006|
|Seeking advice from friends...
Hello all, first of all I would love if a) you could all read this, to least give me some advice as to your opinions on matters and b) express your own opinion and experience.
Very confused at the moment, extremely lost and I suppose I just need some peoples thoughts to help in my mixed up mind.
I had a great night with dalfox
at a few of the brisbane nightclubs in the area, some of them are pretty amazing, I can tell you that much when I have come from a country town. There it was only one club and that club itself sucked like no-ones business so this was a great experience for me to see the world of the city in the party life.
This was what I wanted, to feel the life of a party go-er, the raves, the dancing, nightlife, what I have basically dreamed of, and yet now, I look at it and wonder why did I want this so bad? I wont go into the details of some of the clubs besides one known as 'The Beat'. This was the focused one as it opened my eyes to so much far too quickly and while I was intoxicated, but that also added to the fun. Upon arriving I was looked at by alot of guys, course, those weren't the looks of 'What a faggot' at my old town or 'Sure could beat the shit out of what he's fucking wearing' heh. These were, "I could really get to know that" to the "I wanna fuck it".
What I dont understand to myself is why am I hating what I wanted so bad to feel, there were times I was felt up, rub to the leg, grind to the ass, the occasional ass to ass on the dancefloor. Was that the life I was choosing to follow? No.. Was it a life I would love to be involved? No, but then why so long have I wanted that life and not feel that even that I've gone out now, seen the slutty side of the world in the gay bars that I still dont have that desire to be happily mated with someone I truly and deeply am in love with?
While there I had eyes upon eyes on me, I still dont find myself -that- hot, heh, unfortunately its just me, something within myself I will need to get over because I get it enough from friends, thanks guys to tell me that I'm above par. For example within 2 mins I saw one guy pash three different men and it wasn't a kiss, was more of 'Let me check if your esophagus is fully functional' for quite some time. I looked at it and was disgusted, -thats- what I have been wanting? To have some 30 second slut hold me, tell me I'm hot and kiss? God no. Maybe I was too lost in the fantasy that there are still some gay bars or men where a shy guy meets a shy guy and enjoys a nice conversation, becomes friends and thats it. It seemed while there the only guys ever getting conversations or at least some movement with their tongues were making out, or being shallow kissing to lead them on towards the back door and to their car.
What the fuck do I want? No-one can answer that but myself, and yet right now I have no matter of thought as to what that is. Jesus I have someone I could give my life to and feel right but why dont I -want- to do that? I have an opportunity to go out, meet random and holy fuck some -hot- guys, especially as it scared me such hot men were eying me, and flirt, have a new social society of friends and hang out, knowingly sex is on their mind, but sorry fellas, aint open there for business and pleasure.. why dont I -want- that?
What scares me the most is every set of eyes I caught upon, that looked to me, I knew deep down I could have had that, I could have walked over, chatted to and had whatever I wanted with that person. I dont have that confidence, but why did I feel that? Why feel that I could have such belief in myself I could do that? Was it some fictional idea I thought I could? They looked at me with interest, I could have shown it back but I didn't. I see both sides of this, knowing friends that look to sex with some fucking hot model going 'Why didn't you, dumbshit?' to my friends of the knowing of morals and standings, not to mention my situation with someone I still am totally in love with go 'You made us all proud' why dont either one urge me to each other?
To put it in simple terms, I had some of the hottest guys I have seen in my life showing interest to me, but I declined numerous of times. To that and I have possibly the most amazing and beautiful being inside loving me and I love them in return but I just cant feel I could have a relationship with them.. whats wrong with me? Am I wanting in between? I know its not there, no-one is beauty and a model, where do I go? what should I look towards? Current Mood: Lost
|Saturday, October 7th, 2006|
Hello all, yes I am still alive and what appears to be still ottery. Its been far too long since I posted an entry and how my life has been it'd be stupid of me not to least give out the goss on how life is for the webbed paw wonder.
Dont even know where to begin, seems so long, guess start at the big things, work through them. I have finally moved out of my home, the country prison to which for some reason people have been telling me they were jealous of my past living conditions. Fact is you cant take the city out of the otter, and living between two macadamia farms was driving me nuts... gawd the pun... I was glad to see the family was supportive, possibly because it meant I was out of their lives in the physical part. Though I never found myself scared, or fearful it wouldn't work out, guess the confidence in knowing I could take what I was given and dish it back in the city kept me feeling melancholy. Once getting up though I felt myself slip into the crowd like a jigsaw piece, occasionally I would get beaten, pushed into places I dont fit and cut to make sure I fit, but then again life forces you into many things you deal with.
Now that I am up here, in an apartment with my dragon (come to it later) and a snow kitty, I'm finally feeling the sense of freedom and with the opportunities galore in the city, an ability to take on what I wanted. As everyone has when they leave, finances are tight, but its quick to learn if you dont balance your account, you dont eat for the following week heh heh. Having to look for a job isn't strong either, many places are getting in-fluxed with people so they can be very choosy on their choice but with all that said and done, things here are slowly working out living wise, just having to rebuild my broken bed and my computer area more comfortably and my room will be to what I would like.
Then it comes to who is in my bed at this moment snoring like a chaff-cutter. Flamedrake the dragon and I are together, seeming to take things slow as me moving here has me more focused on surviving then being in a relationship, but with things settling, we can work things through more and we learn alot more with each other certainly living together. Its something I never saw coming, I guess I should have, we kinda struck a chord positively when we first chatted, but I never saw it to be where it was today, but then why should life have to go how I planned it, gotta have surprises in the soap-opera world of the otter. I'm not a huge gushy person, seems over the years from past boyfriends and relationships my romantic aspiration to make the other the angel they were to me has dwindled. Its neither ones fault, distance, lack of common grounds, couldn't wait any longer and seeing it deteriorate. So when it comes to blurbing the whole dictionary of sucky lovey dovey things that I feel for Drake, I think when he is in my arms he is safe, and loved, cant see what words could describe that sensation.
Out of the things thats happened, those few are certainly the most important. Its easy for someone to see where I am now just from that, I have an apartment, partner, and looking for a job, how thrilling.
Though how am I feeling right now.. Its difficult to say, with coming up here I came up on the idea of my dreams being full-filled quickly, that was a sore mistake to realise my dreams are going to take far longer then I hoped. Many know I wish to travel, to see the world, or at least America, I know far too many friends there that have really -really- kept me smiling in times of need. They all know it, so you all can get an extra inch swelled heads from knowing you've made me incredibly happy just being friends, even through text. Another is my social being.. I've been going through my head as to what am I? Am I a party goer? A raver? A gaming LAN obsessor? I want them all, but some here I just cant do with the friends I have, its just tastes, and again thats what makes us all unique.
I think lately, my needs aren't being met so they're becomming more hungry, demanding to be exposed and shown. I would like to be a party goer, wake up with hangovers, amazing stories of 'WTF night was that' and know I lived my life to the most fun for those hours. But then, with that all said and done, how can I achieve it? I wish it was furs, wish it was with a group of furries so I feel that common ground will make me feel alot more comfortable and have a bond that can only be strengthened. Furries here in Brisbane are amazing.. I mean.. just the spirit and radiance of friendship here is second to none in knowing you can rely on them and they can rely upon you. So what to do? Option 1) There are a few Brisbane furs who I would love to party and rave with, so I can go with them. Option 2) I can leave the idea of furries and jump into the deep end at the parties and raves, hoping to find a group that I can socialise and party with. Or there's option 3) I could now and then travel to Sydney at a furry big gathering and find that common bond along with the parties and raves. They all have their downside, all have their upside, its what to do.
I'll leave it for now, thats more then enough for you all to glance over and get bored quickly, just to give you the knowledge of where I have been, whats new, and my thoughts.
To all my friends, thankyou for being there for me, making me feel I'm special to have as a friend.
To Drake, love ya lots, you do make my life special.
To everyone else, thanks for... I dont know.. =^.^= Current Mood: complacent
|Tuesday, September 5th, 2006|
Okie peoples, planning on updating this soon, least to give some info as to where and what I've been doing, but in the intermission of it, decide which of either you would think suits the ottie, delete the negative or bold the agreed one whatever is your cupcake of choice.
* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* teddy bear or porcelain doll
* hiking or window shopping
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* bare foot or shoes
* jeans or slacks
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* nerd or jock
* brains or brawn
* common sense or book smarts
|Sunday, June 18th, 2006|
|Friends have the dirtiest minds.
Just mentioning I've been out and about with some friends on the beach line over Thurs-Sat, was pretty sweet, I mean, going to a rich mate's house with a hot Spa, massive pool and beach 10 min walk! But thought I've give the insight of the 'intelligence' I've dealt with among having friends here. As most know I'm heading to Brissie to see my fur buddies and get oodles of snuggles and hugs at the furmeet get together, so my friends down here decided to get my gifts early, well, one did, heh, most are, 'Its your birthday? Aww shit I have no money' while we just went out and bought some grog for the few nights, how quaint.
So anyway, one of my friends did remember to buy me a gift, such a sweet guy, been drooling over him for years, and he knows it, he just dont swing that way *aww* just too ripped and too straight.. Anywho, I received one frickin back breaking bear hug from him and a plastic bag of gifts. At first I was all gushy gushy, cause the card he got was so sweet 'Dont be a Fool, wrap your Tool' on it. I pulled out the Malibu coconut rum and was pretty stunned that it was actually an awesome present, till of course I saw what else was in there.
For starters, a can that contains some novelty toilet paper, basically, you pee on the grotty target fly, as he swears, rubs his ass at you and sneers, then as you get him into the toilet you crap on him. Yes... its never going to be opened in its lifetime.
And the final piece is 'Herm the Sperm' a delightful trophy that commemorates sperm, and their determination to reach a females Egg, basically its one palm sized sperm looking at you with big eyes and smiling innocently. I think it was suppose to be a double ding, being gay and also, the liking of cum made the trophy quite a keeper.
Anyway, all was fun, we had our fill of awesomness there and now I'm readying to get up to Brissie and party like it was 1954!!
Bu-bye Current Mood: chipper
|Saturday, June 10th, 2006|
|Cheesy Cheesy, makes otters go Pop.
( Little bit more gooeyCollapse )
The Subject is cause I ate too much of that damn three layered dominoes cheese pizza, now I think I'm gonna explode, plus I smell like cheese, and everything tastes like cheese, if I'm an otter/mouse, then which tail should I have to be cuter? Cause both are ^^. Current Mood: sad
|Wednesday, April 19th, 2006|
Hey everyone!, I am alive, though since most of the furs on my LJ I usually talk to on a usual basis it doesn't mean much for you wonderful lot but for the rest that scoop and bob around yes this otter is still squirming, kicking and finding shinnies.
Things have been hectic and insane as always, last year has been of friends come and go, living their lives in a positive way to seeing them deteriorate pretty hard down the road that we all consider is our lives. My relationship was kept high and happy till it soon just began to lose control at the wheel and swerved down a cliff and continued to tumble till its final stop. The dear puppy friend of mine and I decided things aren't what we wished a relationship should be and have drifted to the next best step of being good friends. I dont mind, it sort of went that way and we both saw it, just had no means of stopping it, the inevitable is a great little pain in the ass.
I've had furs falling head over heels for me that past year, the instantaneous crushes to the immediate vanish of that love going the next day, not that I minded, was nice to still be shown that hey, people wanna snuggle the otter. It wasn't till September that things got back on the rails so to speak, meeting up with a certain dragon. I wont go into the details, its still in the icky phase but friends wise, it clicked so well, but after the next step, realizations came up, and wants and needs were put out on the table. Problem was they were very different to one another, and after deliberating what to do, again the unhappy decision was made.
I've had my ups and downs over the past year and so far already this year, but I think things are looking up. I've finally started to get to my New Years resolution, and thats to get back to being the well built battlestud I was as a kid. Been going to the gym for a few weeks, thank god my legs have still kept their power from a soccer, baseball and squash fanatic. At 6 foot 4 inches (194 cm) and already having a swimmers build its a good start to get some more muscle on the body. I gotta look good when I move up to Brisbane, the 6 pack of abs are gonna be done and out of the oven and I'll definitely hope to look like the stud for my debut to Glorious Brissie. I just gotta finish my course, almost there and I am outta this annoying Lismore, phew what a crappy dump still.
No more lovers for me, I'm loved out, I want a big group of friends again, wanna party, have my days of wondering how the hell I did this that and the other in a week. Of course I'll love my friends, who I am, who I will always be, friends before the otter, except when it comes to sports or food, *glee* so things right now are in a stagnant, working hard, studying well, looking forward to my new life.
So look out Brissie, By December you'll have a Big 'n' Bad (in a good way ^.- ) Otter Comin to town! Current Mood: content
|Monday, November 8th, 2004|
|This weeks word is 'Cancelled'
Holy crap what a pain in the ass week its been, problems tortures and what not, I had 3 days, three whole days to spend time planned with my mates, Fri was to see the new movie 'Hero' I was really looking forward to it, cause a few of my friends from up north traveled down. Well anyway, one of my friends said he couldnt make it cause he had work, everyone just goes 'Awww crap, we'll have to cancel' well... dont tell me! I didn't find out till the actual day when I called one of them and asked whats going on.
Sat I had planned then because since we couldn't see the movie how about we just go down into town and play some LAN at a computer place, that seemed simple enough.. I send a message to everyone, I got no response.. no-one even came online and these are guys who make out with their bloody hard drives.
Finally I had trusted that my last friend had planned to go to the beach on Sun, I was -really- looking forward to that cause MAAAAATE otter in water and a Aussie whats better then flopping in some of the best beaches in the world! But NAAAH he called up on the night before and said he has no money... Three days dieing in the ass. I still tried to look up, I mean, I cant help it, wasn't in my control, just.. blah.. it was the biggest feeling of rejection I've had for some time... But... I dont know.. I'm in a ok mood tonight, I dont know why.. I think its cause I've been eating some foods that I've never tried, like BBQ rice crispy thingies, they aren't too bad, and I think they have -some- nutrients in them, me mum's going down to her best friends wedding so for one whole day, I'll have the entire place to myself.. the -entire- farm... if its hot maybe I'll just bask out on the porch in the hot sun in the buff, or something sinister.
Lets just see what that day brings in my slutty sexy mind, its already dirty enough so I will be happy for that one day I guess, looking forward to it.
Bugger yas and have a good week ^.- Current Mood: scrumptious
|Saturday, November 6th, 2004|
|My day is going to be sooo bad, I wish I was de.... Ohh look a hard on *rubrubrub*
Its meee... I am ready for tomorrow, just not ready for the bitching, usually when I get out those doors with my big booties on I become like a drone for 3 queens (No I am not included hehee!). Where my 'manly' strengths should lift this log and drag it where, but of course, they are pains in the asses, like last time, I had to drag railway sleepers from down the back up to make a garden bed, if you dont know the weight of a railway sleeper then I suggest you get a horse to play dead and drag that. Well not -that- heavy, but they frickin are! It has been raining too so I will be expecting alot of slips and slides since we live on a pretty steep slope in some areas and the ground is almost clay, so its like a lining of slippery mud on the ground.
Ohh well.. I did have a surprise installed but -of course- it got crashed landed to the ground cause of my old shitty computer, I had a photo of me hugging my very first pic with a fursuit. It came out great and I'm so happy with it, I went to my website, the one my ISP is giving me, but I'm so dam stupid I dont have a web designing program on this computer, I thought they were standard on every machine, guess I was wrong, so, if you do want to see who or what I look like you can go to the URL I suppose, though its not the same... ohh wellhttp://members.iinet.net.au/~murphy03/100_0386.JPG
Hope everyone is doing at least ok... Chat to yas later. Current Mood: restless
|Thursday, November 4th, 2004|
|Ship one and two are still intact, ready to release their seamen.
Today was a rollercoaster ride thats for sure, I went to the doctors, had a appointment with him and was awaiting for the bad news. I arrived and told him my symptoms, he got me up and started fiddling around, with his 'Does this hurt?... Does this hurt?' I was waiting for him to say something like, 'Does this feel reeeaaal gooood?' but he did'nt, yay. He told me I have now dont spell check on me with this.. epidermititis, or epidermitisis, something along those lines. Basically if you dont have a genital medical degree *raises his paw too...* its a infection in the muscle that transfers the sperm from your testicle to your cock for ejaculation, it gets swollen and sore. It wont be cut off! Yay yay! I only require to take this frickin massive size tablets 1 twice a day, look more like wanting to swallow a football to help cure it. So thats a good sign.
Now that thats over and done with I have other crap on my plate, see, with my phoneline dead, and calling the phone company to come and make a new one so I can have a dam phoneline, I have become the evil villain.. or... bastard as you will of this house. We chopped down a row of 'wind breakers' these are trees that helped stop plantation trees from being pushed over from the storms and winds, with their thickness and size they stopped the wind from hitting them too hard. Anyway, since we chopped these up, they aim from the main terminal up on the main road to down to the house terminal (these are underground mind you, shows the intelligence of my family. The problem is the middle one, which is the terminal thats broken has secretly disapeared and it could be within a 1km radius the technician said) but my family is so paranoid they are freaking out saying when the council come out they'll think we screwed up the phoneline cause the logs from the large trees are sitting what they assume is where the phoneline is under the ground.
The phonelines are underground how can logs cause damage above the ground, I have no clue but in their insane minds they believe that so they are telling me this weekend I need to bust my ass to get these logs down the back which are about the size of me! all the way to the back of the paddock so that it dosn't look like we are at fault.
It just gets so wonderful out here with three bitchful women, I'm not sexist but damn... try living with a paranoid mother, Femminist Aunt and my grandmother who left when she was in the 4th grade. Literally.
I just have to get my boots on and wait for the inevitable nagging to arrive... if I'm not talking to you, I'm busy being ordered to waste energy and break my back for something stupid.
Talk to yas all later sexy boi toys. Current Mood: frustrated
|Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004|
|Thats one tescile check-up and one sex change that'll be $5.95 go to window 2 please
Well I am going in tomorrow to get them checked, both of them, I dont want to have both failing on me now. Tonight its been bad because they have effected how I have walked, I always have worries on anything involving my groin, even when its so bloody damn stupid. I even worry about STD's and I'm a fricking Virgin, bloody hell, and now I do have something physically worrying me. I guess I'm a little more confronting with my problems downstairs (thanks to Branwyn's comment). If worst comes to worse and he puts me in a hospital, or even more dreaded having it taken out it will severely knock me around, since my sexual umm.. need seems to always be in abundance, if that gets cut then I will feel like I'm not exactly me. I am going over the top, but of course this is serious, so its a check up tomorrow, at least I feel more comfortable getting up and having a guy fondle my sac ^.-, he's cute too, hehe, ok... -No- hardon should be permitted.
Guess I cant wish for luck, just wish I dont see a scaplel in his hand o.O
Hoo roo. Current Mood: gloomy
|Britains and their Lantana, kill it all!
AS I've said with my phoneline being buggered, we had a specialist come out today to help find the problem, God dam, this guy was smart but does he know how to use a car in the bush... Uhhh NO! He told me the terminal cable that he was trying to find is hidden beause it hasn't been looked at in, ohh I dont know a decade! so its imbedded in dirt and possibly has a tree growing over it. So we were going next door and across the road, looking through paddocks (Hectares of land for those city boys) but we couldnt find it. Anyway, our drive way splits like a k-shape on the straight side theres a slight slope where lantana grows... now this stuff is a fucking bitch, I heard Britain have it as a actual plant, its a weed, a sharp, thorny stingy weed! Well anyway, when he did the 3 point turn (which was a bad decision because we know its best to just do it in our actual drive way, not on the center of the joining driveways) anyway, he was doing a 3 point turn till his rear wheel slipped down into the lantana bushes and bang he was bloody stuck wasnt he!
I was so pissed, cause I knew the damage he's gotten himself into, these guys grow up to around a small car when they are just mature in age, the leaves are slippery and the vines as I said are thorny and have a poison sting on them. So he's bogged, stuck in the stuff and he's reving the shits out of the rear wheels in his van to get it out. Once he finally realised it didn't work and noticed me not doing anything showing that yes, you are a tool and your bogged, congrats, that we needed to get some stuff to stick under the tire to get it some traction. So we got some palm leaves and shoved them under the wheel, he told me to get on the corner of his van so the weight would plant more tire onto the palm leaves for traction. So I did this and he gets ready and ploughs the accelerator on, suddenly the palm leaves go under the wheel like someone spitting a seed and one slide right across my ankle *sulks* Nothing too serious, just some cuts and bruises.
We worked on this strategy to get him out cause it was the only one working, I was going back and forth behind the van, lantana raking over my body, stinging me to high heaven, finally we got him out, I was itchy from the poison on their thorns, sore from the cuts and my leg hurt. Anyway... he couldnt find the cable, he told me I have no hope getting my cable fixed until they come out and build another cable terminal, which could take 2 weeks. I'm paying for this phoneline so he told me if they dont get it done within a week, call and lodge a complaint with the telecom board and they'll get me something, even a compensation payment, who knows.
So i've have a horrible day with that, though thats not the only problem. I guess this is embaressing, of course when you cause pain or have pain in your genitals its not something you broadcast but fuck it, over the past few days I've had a slight throb in my right ball, I thought I just bruised it, I still think I've done that but I am going to the doctors this week and see what he thinks. I guess if anyone has experience in what problems can be caused in your balls then tell me, I'm freaked cause in the back of my mind I feel it could be something horribly serious like testicle cancer or something. Or I've tangled a few veins or something, just a sharp stabbing pain and soemtimes I feel it throbbing, it does stop now and then, but rarely.
What a dreadful day, wish I got some lovin from my hubby but I understand he's busy, still my sweetheart, damn bad day, well anyway, chat to yas later.. Current Mood: sick
|Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004|
|Searching for family-proof bubble...
I always hear the terms about missing your family, but only when they are at a distance and I now know that is so true, but I only wish I could experience it. I have always lived with my aunt, 2 cousins, mother and my grandmother, so when I hear that I wish I could feel what they mean, we have 2 houses on one property, so dont think this is a trailer park.
Anyway, we have flooding around this area, Stromy Start of Spring we call it and its perfectly true, always seems to be worse storms each year, this was no exception. Torrential rains and all that has left a main terminal in the phones flooded, so sometimes one of our phonelines works, sometimes both, or sometimes neither. This time only one was working so I was using that, this is at 9 pm no-one calls my family and my cousin was at work, well he arrives and suddenly barges through my door screaming and yelling that I was using the phoneline cause he couldnt call. It turned out his keys were locked in the car so he was blaming me cause the phone was in use by my internet, of course I acted logical and just replied 'Well... why didnt you call me on my mobile' it took him a few seconds to configure a lie cause he just said he dosent have my number. I guess I saw that one coming cause he's very 'unison' in his objectives, if something goes wrong then theres no other way to do it, so I was considered the asshole while he said Fuck every 2nd word from his mouth. I honestly wanted to flip him the finger tell him to go hide and fuck yourself but alas his voilent attitude would have caused 2 things, either a) my finger would have been broken, or b) that I would have ended up decking him. I may be thin and tall but I have legs like a fuckin roo. So anyway, I'm shitty with that, I think karma got him but I just really wish I could have a holiday and get out from them, he is as bad as my aunt, who owes me enough bloody money to get a flat from how much small borrowing... Ohh I'm sorry... stealing she's done...
Ohhh well, my little bitch for today, no-one was online, so my dissapoint and further hatred for my family wasnt being expressed anywhere, so I had to let it out.. hope everyone had a happy halloween, we dont celebrate it here, I wish we did, but Australia sucks balls in celebrations. Current Mood: bitchy
|Saturday, October 30th, 2004|
|Job wanted-Experienced Group hugging furs... apply... now!
Hello peoples, friends... and stumblers who seem to be finding his LJ now and then, how are we all, I haven't been here for so long, and with good reasons thankyoup! Basically I am in a missing friend sorta mood, since I haven't been around, its been hard for me to look at anyones LJ, so now I feel like I'm out of touch with my friends. So first off is I'm gonna try and be around more here, read my loving friends ideas queiries and other.. umm.. stuff. Most are from me loving that amazing perfect fantabulous puppy, others are just MINE. I see everyone replying to comments and that and with me not, feels like I am not caring, which is so far from the case. Wanna be around more, funny though being now so ironic on how my weeks have been lately.
Ok.. farm otter means crappy technology, meaning we get a storm I lose power... simple yes? Now we have problems with our phone cables, isn't that just peachy. I live around 30 km (Or 18 approx miles for the Bloody Americans ^.^) and when a fault comes from a main cable either electricity and phone they have a few km/miles to look for the fault, which could be bloody tiny. Anywho, I have 2 phone lines one for net, other for phone, since cable cant be used out here, too far away, remember this -is- Australia, why its called the 'Outback' heh. My phone line has been short circuitting, I called the telephone company and they told me there was a electrical fault and a guy was going to come out and fix it (This was on Mon by the way) and they told me he would be out on Tues from Fri 7pm... Is nt life grand when they tell you things like that. Luckily a guy was in a small town only 10 km from us so he popped out to see the problem. He found it simply all it was was a cable that was corroded and water was landing on it, causing power jolts. So he left and I thought yippee, of course having a guy come out fix your phone cable within a day was bloody Tops!
So it was night and I was happily prancing around Taps till I lost connection, the problem was back, so when I called the company again they told me that it could not only be the cable he found, but also the cable that could reach to the bloody town! I gave them what for, only cause they should ave found that by now, so now my cable keeps cutting me out sometimes on a 30 second basis from connecting. Anyway, its left me really shitty and they said it may not be fixed by Tues.
Thats been one of my biggest buggers for the week, another has been a lot more severe. I knew a person, a fur online, it was a girl (waits for the gasp) yes yes a -Girl-, she was really nice, knew her since I first came onto taps, anywho, we started chatting on MSN and it became friends on a RL basis. Anyway, it was almost going on 2 years around 1 3/4 years when she said she had a secret. I was kinda stunned cause ya know, the trust was what I thought pretty dam strong, suddenly she told me that she was a -GUY-.
I was jaw dropped, I know its a shock, but almost 2 years, to hold a lie -that- long, I was completely stunned out of my seat, it freaked me out something chronic, I don't know what you guys could do in a situation like that, yeah say whoohoo he has a cock, but really on a mental relationship in your head, this is a friend thats telling you that knew and cared about a friend that is a completely different sex.
I didn't leave then and there, cause 2 years of friendship is hard to kick out so abruptly, I have spoken to -him- a few times lately, but not much, trust isn't there at all anymore, so its kinda hard on myself to see him as a guy now. My mind perceived everything, he even made up her appearance, felt really hit, but I guess thats what happens on these things, I'm so very lucky I got a angel from this though, my lovely akita angel.
Anywho those were my two biggy events, right now I hope I can slowly start getting into reading all your great journal entries and either comfort, support, bitch, or whatever to yas when you say something. I hope you all have a great halloween, we don't celebrate it over here but I all know you lot will be either drunk, fucking, fucked, or other... hehe, Have a great time with you all Hoo roo! Current Mood: anxious